I really never understood relationships before, as you can see from all of my previous posts. I was probably more anti-relationship than anything else because I had been in so many this past year. I was a straight-up habitual dater, it was kind of what I needed after being drowned in a three-year disaster of a relationship.
I tested the waters with all types of guys: college guys, guys with their shit together, guys who had no idea what they were doing, single guys, not so single guys, ex boyfriends, new friends, old friends. Okay, seriously, I am not sure what I thought I was doing but eventually I had enough of dating. None of these guys seemed to have what I needed, and the kisses well they just fell so flat... and we all know that a kiss tells it all.
After all of these failed attempts at love, I began to think there was something really wrong with me. I really cared for some of the guys I dated this year, but I got over all of them, and no guys seemed to interest me at all. Everyone always asked me why I was single. I never understood why it was so hard to believe. Like there was something wrong with getting to do whatever the fuck you wanted, when you wanted to, I always thought. I didn't understand why you would sacrifice your freedom just to have a steady... um... kiss.
I really just didn't get it. I was so unhappy in my past relationships; I felt suffocated, I felt like I couldn't be myself and I was constantly being picked apart. I was happy with who I was. It was these ass holes that made me feel like I shouldn't be content being Ashley. I could write a list of insults that I was given over the year. I am so fucking nice to my boyfriends, Karma is a bitch boys, you're fucking screwed... you know who you are. The word relationship left a sour taste in my mouth and it honestly gave me an anxiety attack. Relationship was synonymous with prison. I wanted my freedom, damn it.
By October, I was SOoOoO over dating, and I was more excited to see how awesome I could be single. I was really working hard to get my life on track: I started a job that I loved, I got a new apartment and I was moving in with my best friend. Life was perfect, and I didn't even think that anything could top this. I didn't realize I was missing anything.
Boom! I met someone that completely made me contradict my prior feelings about my life and relationships. Something was missing after all, and i know it now because something inside me has been filled up in the last month.
It is true what they say, you find a guy when you least expect it or need it. I didn't feel like I needed a guy but I met someone that made me want to say goodbye to my single days and habits.
In the last month, I am beginning to understand why people are monogamous. I kind of thought I lacked that pattern of thinking, but the reality is, I was forcing myself to settle for people that I just wasn't into, who were not right for me.
Compatibility is everything, and the more people I have dated the more I have realized what I like in a guy and what I dislike. This year of nexts actually greatly improved my quality of life, and definitely increased my standards in a mate.
I am absolutely, positively overjoyed that I am dating, what I feel like is my perfect match. Its freaky, scary, how in-sync we are. He makes me feel normal and overjoyed with happiness because I know he is adding to my life, not taking my life away.
I am not afraid to be tied down because I am in a big girl relationship where you don't tie your partner down, you trust that they will make decisions that will not hurt either of you. It feels right, and because of that, no other guy matters. Now, a relationship no longer means that I am serving a life sentence, and it can only get better from here. I am lucky, and it worked out because I stopped worrying about finding someone, and I started worrying about finding myself.
I took the time to do me, and I am better for it, but now I am going to do me with someone else, and as long as I don't lose sight of my future, I'll keep him around.
I have shared my story, now I am going to share my two cents.
- If you are dating a guy that you don't have enough in common to hold an absurd conversation with... MOVE ON TO THE NEXT
- If you are out with your girls and find yourself more worried about what guys are in the room... MOVE ON TO THE NEXT
- If your significant other cannot hang out with your friends...MOVE ON TO THE NEXT
- If your bf/gf makes you feel like you are not the person you think you are... MOVE ON TO THE NEXT
- If you don't have your shit together and you are relying on another person for happiness.... MOVE ON TO THE NEXT
- If you don't know who you are outside of a relationship... MOVE ON AND BE SINGLE!
- If you have never been single... YOU ARE AN IDIOT
- If you are boring together, there is no excitement.. MOVE ON TO THE NEXT
- If your boyfriend/girlfriend is not who you want them to be, or who they used to be.. LET IT GO
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