Who would you rather be?
Lately, I have been watching people, the people that are running, and the people that are left behind. The people that have everything, and the people that have exhausted all of their options.
God, which would I rather be?
I don't feel like I am either, but I feel further away from the runners. Why? Because whatever our souls are made of, mine is the same as the fallen. No matter how much I learn, no matter how much I think I know... I am humbled all the time. That is something the runners lack and the lost ones redeeming quality. Those that hit rock bottom accept those for who they are. The runners judge, they don't take a second to look around them, they don't watch, so they will never understand.
How can you walk through life without feeling, without taking the time to see? If you are running, you aren't living. You are alone out there on the track. At least the fallen ones have slowed down enough to have each other.
I watch the patients at my job. Some of them are so far gone, many have slept through life and now they finally are waking up. That is really scary to me. To wake up after years and have to learn who you really are. For many, there is no hope of a "normal life." For others, there is a minute light at the end of the tunnel. There is nothing left for them to do but live, or wait to die, give up or push though.
Yet, these people smile, they talk about love, their hope, their fears. They take of each other, it isn't me against you, its us against our disease. They cry, they don't give a fuck anymore about putting other people down because all their energy is exhausted on living the best life they can. To be in their place is terrifying, yet some are so strong, strong enough to live life when everything seems like shit.
I don't know if I could ever do it, I have been down but I have never been that far down... how do you pick yourself up when up is a runners lowest low?
Oh the runners... why are you running? Why do you suck so much?
Look at these people who are smiling, who are saying good morning. You have more than the fallen will ever have yet you complain, you bitch about other people, you dwell on the mediocrity of it all. Must you be fallen to finally feel?
I am tired. I am exhausted with the negativity. It hurts, it pains me to be around it. I feel... too much, I absorb the energy and it is becoming a burden to block it out.
What is the middle way to live? How can we try to understand the beauty of life without destroying ourselves? I am searching for it, I am checking my attitude at the door.
Can everyone be the change?
Please, tomorrow smile at a stranger, say good morning to the guy who makes your coffee. Just stop running... there is no trophy at the end of the race, we all get there eventually and the same prize is the same for each one of us. Just live.
Live the best life you can.
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