Truly Lovely

Anything worth having doesn't come easy. 

It has been over a year since everything I thought I knew and wanted was ripped out from underneath me. For three years I had someone to pick me up when I was down, share my heartaches, and hold me while I soaked his clothes with tears.

I felt safe, I felt normal and strong and that I could get through life solely because I had someone else to share my griefs with. Everything was going according to plan, I graduated from college, I was with someone I thought I would marry, and all I needed was a job... simple, right?

BOOM... that bubble burst really fast.

Personally, I thought that if you survived college with your significant other, that was the biggest obstacle you would face. A silly thought, but college is a time of temptation, personal growth, and you change big time. If you can grow with that person when the rate of change is so rapid, well, you can do anything.

That wasn't the case, everything seemed to fall apart when both of our college trains were derailed.

Instead of one person struggling financially, stuck living at home because of this bogus economy... we were both prisoners of poverty, which meant that none of us were moving out anytime soon. The distance grew. Inevitably, the relationship crashed and burned. I was ostracized into this unknown land of independence and it was terrifying.

If you watched a movie of our relationship, you could see where it ended long before I received my overpriced piece of paper... but that is not the point of this blog.

The point of this blog is to praise myself for all of the hardships that I have overcome this year. Emotionally, I barely survived. But right now, I know I can make it on my own, and I am much stronger than the person I was yesterday. I am still growing, I will always be growing, but I am so happy to finally be over that hump.

After all of these struggles I learned to appreciate my life, and I began to work towards the things I wanted, the things I could obtain right now. Instead of taking a huge leap, I started taking baby steps... which works better for me. Eventually I will be strong enough to take bigger steps.

I remind myself every day that life is what you make of it. If you are positive, loving and don't dwell on things that really don't matter, then you will get positive things back. If you respect yourself and love yourself, well you will find love and respect from people that deserve that love.

This change in mentality has impacted my life dramatically. All of a sudden all these good things are happening and It is like God is really seeing how much effort I am putting in to being a person evoking change. I love my job, I love my friends and most importantly, I love the woman that I am becoming.

A year ago, my life was too wrapped up dwelling on the things I couldn't change... how sad. I wont get that year back, but I am okay with that because that one year changed my whole life.

I am not saying that life will always be rainbows and unicorns... but if you are able to look back at the difficult times and see that you are better for them, well that is truly lovely.