Changes

I have been putting off blogging because my thought process has been all over the place. From day to day my needs, desires and trials change. Nothing is predictable, especially not my life. I often wonder what my purpose is and why I change my mind so much about everything, and I believe that I wont figure that out for a long time.

I do know that I want to experience life, learn from others and share my enjoyment for life with those that matter and love me. Because life is not about the experience, it is about who you are experiencing life with. There are so many different cultures, lifestyles and beliefs in America, so even in a small town life Reading, I am able to learn something new about myself and the world.

It is all about putting yourself out there and being open to the experience, open to the changes, and welcoming new opportunities and new people into your life. If you never experience new things, then you are not growing, and I find that sad.

I am always welcome to change, but at the same time I fear it. I believe that is normal, but with trying new things, I am learning about what I love and what I want out of life. I want to live life to the fullest, or at least at the end of the day be happy with decisions I have made.

Earlier in the year, I was so quick to get out and just run towards something. I made the plans, I created the idea, and then when it came down to actually following through, the ideas seemed like something I never wanted in the first place. I wanted a family, friends, excitement... but I was fantasizing about something that I already had... why I was looking further for these changes... well in all honesty... I had delusions of grandeur and in the scheme of things, a new town with a bunch of strangers would probably be a lonely thing.

I was having a rough time with my family, I was missing my friends, and I was trying to escape from the mediocrity of it all.

Recently I was able to escape my troubles, although they will follow me, and they are not yet mended, but I feel smarter and stronger, and I feel like I can get through it with the support of the extended family that has so openly welcomed me into their life.

So right now I am picking up the pieces one step at a time, and making way for some new dreams that include my family, and welcoming people that care about me and are worth my time.

I finally listened to everyone who said I was running away... and I thought, what was I running from? Well I still don't believe I was running away from problems,  but I was running away from people that genuinely cared for me in order to find a new group of people to welcome me.

I have stopped running, and embraced the possibilities that are right at my front door. I have a new nephew coming on the way, hopefully a new job, I will be tutoring GED students and welcoming anyone who would like to press forward and make the best out of life.

There is no doubt in my mind that I cannot utilize the tools that I have, and make the best out of life. I know why I do the things I do, I know I do things that set me back at times, but with every set back I usually move two steps forward.