What dreams may come...

Last night was one of the weirdest days of my life. I have never experienced the rage of another person until a young girl decided to unsuccessfully kick the shit out of me. She was a raging bull, running towards me with fists of fury hitting anywhere in an attempt to physically harm me. Fortunately, she was a weak person, but sadly she was a steaming kettle of emotions that even as I type this is hissing with pure rage.

I couldn't understand how a person could fight for so long, hate so much, just have an animalistic instinct to put up a fight. It was an eye opener, and an experience that I am glad I witnessed, and I am not gonna lie... it was kind of fun.

People are meant to be wild, we surpress these urges every day, but once in a while we snap... and then we are left confused as to why we couldn't hold the pieces together.

Just a few minutes ago i was awoken by the most intensely realistic, disturbing dream,  and i am shaking right now. I can replay every scene, every emotion, and I wish I could erase it all.

This dream shows that however much you can repress certain urges, the reality of the situation is shown at a tenfold subconsciously. You can't hide from your true desires and feelings no matter how much you try to mask them with painted rainbows and puffy clouds.

I have a head ache, that is how much rage overwhelmed my body in this dream. I physically kicked the shit out of someone in my dream, and although at one time I would have gladly kicked the shit out of her in person, I didn't realize I still felt that way. I am not a fighter, even today as I was being swung at, I didn't have the desire to hit her back, I just wanted to stop her from trying.

So why today do I have this dream that I beat the shit out of my ex arch enemy? I suppose a certain fighter today awoken something in me that I didn't realize I had. You need to get out your anger and frustration or it will build up... This doesn't mean that you kick the shit out of everyone that pisses you off. A sane person doesn't need that, they can control their urges, that is what makes you an intelligent human. However, an intelligent human realizes that some urges should be released, it is finding an effective way to do so that is the hard part.

Now what to do? I mean It is 1 a.m., all I can do is blog, but how to get to the bottom of the situation is unknown. Dreams I believe are very, very important to try to understand. You can tell when certain ones can be discarded, but something that wakes you up because it shakes you to the very core isn't something you can take mildly.

I have been very strong and successful at acting calm and pretending to be okay with a certain person that used to be a big part of my life, but after today I am going to be honest with myself. I don't forgive him, and I need to find a way to get past my anger towards him in a healthy, non dream-violent way. In my blinded rage, I texted him something kind of bitchy. I apologize... oops, I slipped.

I am still shaking, people are such violent creatures. We have so much hate mixed in with love. It is in our nature to be aggressive, I just rarely feel the need be so.

I already said my peace with the person, I am sure that will end up biting me in the ass... but that won't fix it. Words don't fix things all the time... thus the reason war still exists. I need to punch something or break a few dishes maybe???