My best friend and I are polar opposites in almost every way. She loves to relax and be chill, I love to dance on bars and go the gym. She knows who she is and is happy with her boyfriend and her job, I am always questioning my purpose and figuring out what makes me happy. I think too much, she tells me she can't physically think that way. We have one thing in common though, we always try to see things through other's eyes instead of placing judgement. This is difficult, and we both lose ourselves at times... the world is full of judgements, but I believe making a conscious effort to be open minded is a good start.
Ashley has been there for me since I was seven, I feel sorry for people that do not have a best friend like this, because everyone needs one. We both do not really have siblings we are close with, so I believe this is why God brought us together. Although we want to kill each other half the time, and she pisses me off... well it is because we love each other enough to know we can piss each other off and still call each other the next day to complain about our boy drama.
Ashley always tells me the truth, even when I am convincing myself that it isn't the truth. The truth hurts, but a person that can give you blunt honesty is a person you can depend on. Don't hate people for being honest, it will save you a lot of heart ache in the future.
Ashley and I were talking the other night about my lingering relationship problems. I am sure it was the last thing she wanted to hear, but she is my free therapist, so sometimes I cannot help myself. She said to me something that really stuck, "you are always trying to be a good person, but you are never good to yourself."
This struck me hard, because it is so true. Sometimes I feel like a lost puppy, a person can kick me a million times but I will still forgive them and give them my best. I am torn between the point of forgiveness and cutting people off. I believe in second chances, but perhaps my judgement isn't the best.
This is just one incident of how I am not taking care of myself. I am living for the future instead of the present, and I am not making the best of my situation.
Last night as I sat in bed it dawned on me that there is no purpose in this life. That if there is no afterlife, what is the point of today and now. You live, you make a name for yourself... and then you die, and that is it. This thought terrified me; when did I become such a pessimist? When did I stop finding the beauty in life?
I quickly dismissed these thoughts because frankly, they disgusted me. I hate being negative, but in all honesty it can be difficult to love the life you live when you feel like there is something more for you.
However, in order to make a better life for yourself, you have to act now and love what you have, and do the best for you and what you have in front of you. If you are feeling inadequate, or that you lack friends, fun purpose... do something about it.
I am lonely, my friends... I don't see them enough, it leaves me heartbroken sometimes. I have to make the best of now though, that means getting involved with organizations in the area, stepping outside the box... as scary as it might be.
I am slowly starting to do this, I am finding volunteer organizations that will allow me to do things that I love: help out the community, and meet new people. I am also participating in outdoor groups that will allow me to meet new people. I am also blogging, because it is the cheapest kind of therapy.
I hope everyone finds passion in something, and sees the beauty in today, there here and now. Love the life you live, it is the only life you have. Make the best of it. If you are feeling sad, scared, unmotivated... there are ways out.
MAKE NEW FRIENDS: http://meetup.com It's not a dating website, it just lets you know events in your area!
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