Getting to know yourself

What is your aura telling you?

Have you ever taken the time to really learn about yourself, to pay attention to your actions, thoughts, desires. To look past what is right in front of you and see yourself as a blank slate. Remove everything, remove your job, your friends, your possessions, your titles... Underneath it all, who are you? It is a scary thought, at least for me. If you took away all that I have on the outside and you looked inside me, heard my thoughts, saw my weaknesses... who would really want to get to know me?

I see people; it is a curse and a blessing. I see people beyond the exterior. I cling to those that exude beauty from within, those with intelligence beyond their degree, textbook title. I see their darkness, their light... everything. I love their brightness, I feed it, I absorb their energy. It is exhausting; it is exhausting to be me. 

I see myself as well, I have taken the time to analyze my thoughts, sit in silence and hear my love, self-loathing, insecurities.. everything. At times, I avoid it at all costs; it is so easy to be alive, but to live... to understand, it is the most difficult thing. Ignorance is bliss... but the unexamined life is not worth living. I have always wanted to know why, I have always wanted to examine what is really out there... but I have also been to afraid. I have never received the courage, the push... I have always been my own pusher, and sometimes that isn't enough... But I have to utilize the tools I have. 

Lately, I have been getting this eerie feeling that I should be looking inside myself for the answers... instead of finding someone else to give me the answers. Serendipity, I believe that is what this is called. All of these discoveries that are taking place, they all are all telling me the same message. I wonder how long the universe has been hinting that I need contemplation... I could have been unaware of the signs for years. From the books I have read, to the people I have met, they are all telling me to do the same... I need to look in my soul and figure myself out... I need to walk alone. 

This summer has been a whirlwind of ups and downs, life lessons that maybe should have been already taught... but none-the-less, I am grateful for what life has thrown at me, because my eyes and ears are open, and I am learning so much about myself. 

This summer seems to have lasted an eternity, and there is still a month left. I have battled illness, love, loss and everything in-between... and now I am taking the steps to get out of the muck I created. I have learned about myself, who I am at this moment... and I truly like myself, and who I am as a person. I just hope I have the strength to create the life that I want, and to continue the progress of learning who I am. 

So far this is what I have learned:

I am a dreamer, a hopeless romantic. I turn forgotten, hopeless things into works of art, beauty that only I can see. I take the slimiest ogre and turn him into a handsome knight, armor flaming blindingly bright. I turn on my light and give it to the darkness. I take your pain and turn it into magnificence. I will carry the burden of your self-loathing while you walk freely with pride. I am self-destructive, but unbreakable. 

I am an admirer of dreams, and a pusher of making them reality. I am all you could ever want, and all you will never want. I am 23 and aware of life's mysteries, but I do not fully understand them. I am 23, and dreaming has taken me as far as I can go. 

I am the light that I cast upon myself and seal with 1,000 locks. I am the doer of my own desires, the booster of my own dreams. I will take my ugliness and show it to the world. I will take my beauty and let it shine brighter than the ugliness. I will rest my heart and mind on my own shoulders because I am all I could ever need at this moment. 

One day, when the skies clear and the rain no longer obscures my view, I will be able to rest my head and heart on someone that will lift me up. At that moment, I will no longer walk alone.

Who are you? Take the time to find out; it is such an amazing feeling. It is scary, and honestly you are ever-changing. Take the time to do you once in your life