I am ridiculous

This is my last blog for a while because A. I will be working a lot of hours, and B. I have nothing serious to talk about at the moment and my blog is starting to become a joke and more entertaining to me than inspiring. There are a lot of things I would like to talk about, but right now I am too involved in my own life, and that isn't really entertaining to read about.

In all seriousness, this blog is helping me learn myself more, and I guess anyone that decides to read my blog will be able to see me in a new light. Sometimes serious, and other times as the clown that I am.

I am not sure why I want people to read my thoughts, I guess it is just something I have always liked. I have always enjoyed sharing my writing. I also love diaries and being able to really hear the writers voice while I am reading.

I feel really happy right now, I guess because I am examining my life for the first time in probably years. I have been so afraid for so long, and for so long I have been really sad. I mean I just realized that I was really sad, I didn't realize it until now because I feel so full of life.

Slowly, I am realizing what pieces are missing in my life; it is a great feeling to put those pieces together every day... one day I will be almost be a whole 1000 piece puzzle!! 999 pieces, I will be like where is the last piece? I just spent 5 days doing this puzzle... and i am missing one piece! don't you hate that?? You can never fully be a whole puzzle because you learn until you die. If you stop learning then that is sad.

One thing I have been more aware of... well kind of forced into awareness, is my hyperactivity. I have always known I have had it, and it is always been something I have been self conscious about because I really can't help it. I can't help it and I am tired of people calling me out on it...

I have to laugh at myself because I am so ADD, I can't even cope with it at this point because I am just exhausted. It is actually getting worse because I haven't had the need to practice getting past it, and my job keeps me too cooped up, I really can't do it much longer.

I was at a graduation today, and I was paying attention to the commencement speech, and then I was staring at this blinking light... and I was like wow Ashley, seriously .. I am going to pay attention.. so I listen some more, and then what do you know.. I am staring at this blinking light again... I had to stifle my laughter because it is just kind of sad... I mean in college I started to get pretty good at forcing myself into paying attention, but I haven't needed that in a while, so I am regressing quickly. Is this normal? Is it normal to not be able to pay attention for more than five seconds? seriously... i just want to go into someone else's brain so I can see what it is like...

I am going to work on this more, maybe even get advice from a professional because I am tired of being excited over nothing, and insulting people because I zone out when they talk.

The only good thing about being hyperactive is that I am constantly burning calories and so I can eat whatever I want!

There is my ramble, if you made it this far good for you... Your reward is this video I made. Its ridiculous...

Goodnight everyone!